Bitter description

You are dead to me, the storybook fantasies. How stupid you make others be. The fact that people have this idea of what you may be. It's atrocious, the way it makes some people ferocious. It's wicked, painful and deceitful. When you don't work, you make the hate come out in people. The shit I went through to find you, when I was young, but instead I had to bite my tongue. Cause I never found you and you never found me. It seems that we push away any compatibility. The ugly is what comes out if you ever walk through the door. I'd rather not be held up on a pedestal, I'd rather be pressed against the floor. People always think of shit so sweetly, why don't you just work independently? All you are is needy, greedy, too giving or try too hard. And for what? Just so you can let down your guard? I break my walls down on my own time, I don't need you to make considerations or tell me that I'm a swine. So be it, sorry I don't believe in all your bullshit. And that your followers are hopeless, my call in life isn't to make you my accomplice--in life. My call is to survive without depriving, I'm striving, hiding, diving--into the depths where u couldn't hear a soul cry, my call is to always keep my head above and never ever give a mother fuck about love.

Untitled poem

The Game of Life...

Isn’t it obvious?! We all know when you don’t take action you have no voice! But even then, first come first served, and you know what I mean.. you’re condemned even when you approach a situation first! They say be up front then they say stand down. When will they make up their minds? But, what I have always said is just let them win. It really isn’t worth the fight. You are wrong they are right. It is the government, its a conspiracy. If you’re strong you better start being weak, that’s the only way you know you’re stronger than them. Sounds funny, but sometimes letting it go is the same as fighting them maybe even stronger, is just walking away.. but we’ll never know… But that’s how you play the game of life, you know?

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And now...

The damn birds are chirping now what? It is 5:25am now.... no rest. My brain, my heart, and my body hurts.

How is it..

I can smile so big but I am hiding so much? Just happens huh?

Amazing that I feel this way

Well it isn't very amazing actually, I ruin everything with a human being that I get close to.. I basically kill my relationships may as well call me Rogue (X-men). Trying to change is my problem, just simply pushing away those who want to help me... Is way better.

People living deeply have no fear of death

A Dead Promise

Written in 2008 about a woman I saw on the bus

Invisible Sanctuary

I was playing tag with Satan but no one ever told me that evil continues baitin', just waitin' hopin to catch you, like the guppy you are.
So far, from the surface, so far away from the sky, you keep on fallin' just to be wishin' that you could be taken high-er
Flyer than an angel up to the kingdom, to be whisped away by the seasons.
But then you always keep on tryin' to find the reason, why you even committed such treason.
The light offers you a hand but you push him away, you look towards the dark, open arms. This is where you disembark, on your adventure.
You search for the soul quencher, the reason why you'd rather not take your place in the sky where the others are keeping your bench warm-er, how you seem to think you can't be smarter.
The voice just tells you that he will fix it, but you think it is easier to take it in your own hands, but where does that get you except a lower hand.
You need not to believe, you just need to know where your good merits lead.
Those who are intelligent enough, should know that you need to continue living good even when the times get rough.
Believe what you want, don't let others taunt.
But remember that the art of living, is looking in the mirror and forgiving...

As the time flies...

New realizations & new ends are becoming, as new beginnings seem to be arising. The value of time is more constructed in my mind & my discovery of how the saying "time flies by" is true in my everyday life. Time for me seemed like something you wasted, but now it's a beautiful part of life when it is a time remembered.

We all hope when we get older never to forget any of the good in our lives. As I am growing older and starting to take time really for myself I have realized how I would never want to forget even the bad in my life. All the pain that I went through and losses are something that has made me. I love all the good but the good did not make me who I am. Sure, it was a part of my growth but I feel that the pain, the bad, and the losses were what made me.

Let us not forget, but let us use the bad as fuel to live our life better. There are things I could say I regret, but let us turn regret into get, get, get! Get the best out of your life! Let yourself trip up without being hard on yourself. You only know you are making progress when you are making new mistakes.. Right?

Again, everything is easier said than done, but really? what is keeping yourself from doing so? We all know things don't change over night but baby steps are still foot steps...

Welcome Welcome! :)

First blog I've ever had really excited to post my work up on here. I am in the process of getting rid of my Facebook so I thought this would be a good transition to share all my writing with people. My writing is serious, sometimes funny and sometimes something that will make you think. So I hope you all enjoy! And that I can get you all thinking with your "Brain Matter."